There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
