I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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