Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
