I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
