haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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