Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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