that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
