i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize