dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
