After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
