What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
