You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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