barbara walters just said penis...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
