Ambien. No doubt about it.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
