he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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