She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
