I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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