no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
