Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
