apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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