I cockslap morals
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
