I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
