He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
