You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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