Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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