No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
