we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
