it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
