i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
