AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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