This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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