3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
