Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
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