I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
