Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
