If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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