No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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