My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
