I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
