please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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