Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My penis needs a shock collar
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
