How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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