I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
