Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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