I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
