I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
