only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
