I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
