new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
