You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
