Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
