Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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