he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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