Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
