At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
