I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
