I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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