I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
