Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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