You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
