I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You left your phone here
Wait...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
