the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
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I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
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Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel