So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
