some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
