Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
