I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
