Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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