if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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