Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
