Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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