i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
