yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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