i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
