Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
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Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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