in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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