just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
