I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
