yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
