Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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