I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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